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Thread: Teach your spouse a lesson?

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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    Teach your spouse a lesson?

    Do you think that it would be a healthy and ongoing relationship if the husband teaches his wife a lesson by getting even with her as a punishement?and vise versa?
    Wouldn't that end up in a disaster?

    Personally, i think it would be ridiculous if the husband or wife were to have that way of thinking

    like for example, if she does/says something wrong or makes a mistake, does that make it right/better if her husband teaches her a lesson so she wont do it again????

    I think that is a one way ticket to divorce. That wouldn't sound like a marriage to me. It's about communication and understanding. They are both equal. Not because if the man were older or smarter than her that gives him the right to do such a thing...or even the other way around.

    If there is a problem, they should talk it out...not scream it out and expload! otherwise the problem will get bigger and the revenge will go back and forth.

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    That is WRONG! Instead of teaching them a lesson, you can easily talk to them and tell them how it feels like when they do whatever it is they do.

    I know what you're talking about and I've witnessed it. Instead of shortening the period of the fight, the wife/husband prolongs the argument by getting it back on her! Silly silly silly... that's an example of an immature couple!

    When your spouse does a mistake, you don't just blow up, because you do mistakes too! I know sometimes you can't think appropriately when you're really mad, but how about make it a rule: when your spouse is wrong or gets on your last nerve, give yourself sometime and judge the situation. Think of something you want to do/say, and judge if it's really worth it or you should do/say something else.

    Always and always, shorten your arguments. Don't give silent treatments, don't bring up history, don't talk about something else, and don't exagerrate about that particular issue that happened. Take care of it in a wise way, and he/she will respect that. I mean, we all don't like to be pointed at and that is not the way to react in a relationship. At the end of the day, husband or wife (if they're good people), they feel bad when they do something wrong. They do really and they feel really guilty. You don't have to see it in their faces or hear it from them, you know it.. that's enough!

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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    thank you very much endure whisper excellent answer exactly what i think.

    ok, another question, when the two are mad at each other, obviously out of anger hurtful things would be said and the argument could progress, so would it better if they once in a while took a break from each other? do you think sometimes that the "silent treatment" has an advantage? when two people are around each other too much, it can lead to irritation..right?

    lol..relationship threads seem to be popular lately so i opened one.lol..plus, it was a really good question and i needed to know if someone thought the same way i did and so if anyone thought about doing such a silly thing...then shame on them


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    Boom baa, boom baa FLORENTYNA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel_Eyes View Post
    Do you think that it would be a healthy and ongoing relationship if the husband teaches his wife a lesson by getting even with her as a punishement?and vise versa?
    Wouldn't that end up in a disaster?

    Personally, i think it would be ridiculous if the husband or wife were to have that way of thinking

    like for example, if she does/says something wrong or makes a mistake, does that make it right/better if her husband teaches her a lesson so she wont do it again????

    I think that is a one way ticket to divorce. That wouldn't sound like a marriage to me. It's about communication and understanding. They are both equal. Not because if the man were older or smarter than her that gives him the right to do such a thing...or even the other way around.

    If there is a problem, they should talk it out...not scream it out and expload! otherwise the problem will get bigger and the revenge will go back and forth.
    I agree with u Queen..i too dont understand that kind of mentality why would a person want to be cruel to their spouse and expected them to take it? i mean come on marriage is like a good recipe whose main ingredients are love, commitment, understanding, concern and togetherness. So it's important that when you love a person love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be.

    A happy married life calls for constant commitment and concern for each other.
    I'm a woman with hands that dig the path of tomorrow

    Learning through my weakness to engrave this path


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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FLORENTYNA View Post
    I agree with u Queen..i too dont understand that kind of mentality why would a person want to be cruel to their spouse and expected them to take it? i mean come on marriage is like a good recipe whose main ingredients are love, commitment, understanding, concern and togetherness. So it's important that when you love a person love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be.

    A happy married life calls for constant commitment and concern for each other.
    THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! GOD! i love ya
    exactly what i think.



    and who's Queen? looool..you mean queen of angels? yeah, ok, i'll accept that

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    Hmm, depends really I suppose on the mistake and the way they choose to 'punish' them, like perhaps they choose the 'silent treatment' as punishment, well that probably can be much more healthier than just yelling and cussing out. So yeah, I guess it all depends.
    Follow my thoughts and work:


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    I am with Nabs. It all depends. People are different. I do agree with Endure about the way to handle arguments should generally be done in that way. However, with some people the only way something would go through their heads is if they have a taste of their own medicine, and in that case, I won't hesitate to punish them for the greater good of our relationship. Sometimes silent treatments work. Sometimes ignoring their existence works. It's all done to show your spouse how disapproving you're of what they did and that the magnitude of their mistake allows me to act the way I do.

    I mean, some spouses would take advantage of the fact that their partner only "slaps them on the wrists" if they do something wrong. I mean, sometimes talking silently and trying to resolve the matter ASAP and pretending that you're over it may only makes things worse - it can be a temporary fix but perhaps down the line, if you choose to deal with your spouse calmly and nicely all the time, God knows one day I will explode because I have been putting a cap on my emotions in order not to explode or say something that I shouldn't have for the sake of a peaceful relationship
    Last edited by Lym; 22-04-08 at 11:07 AM.

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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    ^looool...vengeful type

    well ok then..thanks for sharing

    though the silent treatment is not fun or pretty, maybe it can sometimes work. bas krooob( that sucks) i still think talking about it is better..it could be a whole fight due to a misunderstanding.
    what about compromise??? it should be BOTH ways...not just one person all the time who says sorry first or goes to aplogize first!!!!!! some are stubborn ...there may come a time when there is a fight because the wife didnt agree with him or the wife said something and he took it the wrong way or she said something in defense ...what a mean husband if he were to always teach her a lesson! ..lol..it would end before it starts ! lol how would he like it if it was the other way around and she punished him?... most men want to have the upper hand and be the boss so that's why i am directing it at the man
    i guess the key is to treat others how YOU would want to be treated in return

    hmmm...it differs from couple to couple i guess..and there is no perfect fight-less couple!
    God help me

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    Maisha Mazuri Rossonero's Avatar
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    Well not necessarily punishment, if she does a mistake I'd let her go on with it until she sees where it leads her to, then she'll learn from it by herself.


    Thank You Bling

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    MasterMind Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel_Eyes View Post
    ^looool...vengeful type

    well ok then..thanks for sharing

    though the silent treatment is not fun or pretty, maybe it can sometimes work. bas krooob( that sucks) i still think talking about it is better..it could be a whole fight due to a misunderstanding.
    what about compromise??? it should be BOTH ways...not just one person all the time who says sorry first or goes to aplogize first!!!!!! some are stubborn ...there may come a time when there is a fight because the wife didnt agree with him or the wife said something and he took it the wrong way or she said something in defense ...what a mean husband if he were to always teach her a lesson! ..lol..it would end before it starts ! lol how would he like it if it was the other way around and she punished him?... most men want to have the upper hand and be the boss so that's why i am directing it at the man
    i guess the key is to treat others how YOU would want to be treated in return

    hmmm...it differs from couple to couple i guess..and there is no perfect fight-less couple!
    God help me
    If it is a misunderstanding, you talk it out and clarify like Endure said. What I was referring to has nothing to do with a misunderstanding. It's when they do something REALLY wrong and hurt you (big time!) in the process. Only then, punishments can be a good mechanism to teach them a lesson - for them to think twice before doing something like that again.

    This might seem twisted but I was watching Cashmere Mafia the other day and one of them had her husband cheating on her. When she found out, she confronted him and then said something along the lines, "I am going to choose somebody from this room to sleep with and then we will be okay again". The thought of her sleeping with another man was enough to torture him for what he has done, let alone her sleeping with a man. Even though she didn't sleep with a man, she made him believe she did and to me that was something I admired about her! Punishment in this sense is something I would approve of. Even though they ended up with divorce , that is irrelevant, because anyways, if a man cheats on you, you deserve to walk out on him after punishing him for the hurt he caused you (such as above!)

    (obviously I would not do that, but yeah, I liked what she did )

    Anyways, if I am really hurt by somebody, I can't help but naturally punish them for what they did..even if I don't want to punish them. It comes involuntarily. So I guess that says it all.

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    Boom baa, boom baa FLORENTYNA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NaBHaN View Post
    Hmm, depends really I suppose on the mistake and the way they choose to 'punish' them, like perhaps they choose the 'silent treatment' as punishment, well that probably can be much more healthier than just yelling and cussing out. So yeah, I guess it all depends.
    I hate silent treatment...

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."
    An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
    "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed


    I'm a woman with hands that dig the path of tomorrow

    Learning through my weakness to engrave this path


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    Boom baa, boom baa FLORENTYNA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel_Eyes View Post
    THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! GOD! i love ya
    exactly what i think.



    and who's Queen? looool..you mean queen of angels? yeah, ok, i'll accept that
    yes I read and like that Queen of Angels
    I'm a woman with hands that dig the path of tomorrow

    Learning through my weakness to engrave this path


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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    true true, Lym..i guess it depends on what they did. If it was something REALLY wrong as like cheating..OH THEN HE HAD BETTER SAY HIS PRAYERS!!

    but sometimes some people may magnify the problem and get OVERLY upset when really it's just a small thing! LOL..

    oh well..that's good to know..
    it's better i am prepared from now rather than to be in total shock when i DO get married (whenever that is )

    i do the silent treatment though..that's about it..i don't do any real damage with words or anything physical(just because i dont ,doesnt mean i cant) .i'm not mean.. i can go a month without talking ..that depends on what the person did..i have limits to my patience.

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    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    In the past, i'd say that i would be stubborn enough to NOT say sorry EVEN IF i was wrong..lol..but now i am different..i say sorry even when i know i am innocent and that the other person is wrong and they took it the wrong way like a big baby

    I just hope i end up with someone like me and how i am now.

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    Magnetic Nella's Avatar
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    depends on what they did. if it's huge then it needs some sort of punishment. if it's something with little importance, then we can just talk it out on the spot.

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    Devil's Feather Libellula's Avatar
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    I don't think that is healthy at all. I don't even believe in using silent treatments or prolonging arguments. If you have a problem, you talk about it, solve it right then and there, and move on with your lives.
    So far away from where you are
    These miles have torn us worlds apart
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    If punishments include mini skirts, high heels & a whip; AM IN!!!

    What does it mean? 'teach a lesson'; a bit confused, does it mean getting back at her?

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    Mission Accomplished! Thalia's Avatar
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    None of you.. except libellula who is still a newlywed, are even married.

    This may shock you, but sometimes the only "communication" a person undertsands is getting even. Or rather.. having done to him what he is doing to others. Most of the time, the realisations hits him (or her) that he (or she) is not being that fair.

    Most problems, if not all, should be solved by simply talking about them. It doesn't mean you'll never argue. It just means you're likely married to someone who's ears work.

    If you happen to be married to someone who's ears are on strike every now and then, you might have to get them to wear your boots to understand what they're doing to you.

    There is a saying and I believe it completely.

    Do not do unto others what you don't want done to you.

    And like wise, we all want to be treated the same good way we treat others.

    You know you're dancing when tears of pain and happiness blend in with your sweat.




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    ^ I'm married and this is how I see it work: silent treatments, prolonging arguemnts or even getting back at your spouse, doesn't work! Atleast for me.. you talk about it and that should be it, right then and there... Why go through the trouble of getting even or doing something else when you can simply talk? Unless of course you have a husband/wife who doesn't care or listen, that's a different issue.. Angel Eyes did not mention that the husband/wife is not caring or thoughtful..

  20. #20
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    I do believe in punishment, the man is the head of family and wears the pants so he has to take charge and keep everyone in line.

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    Honorable Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel_Eyes View Post

    ok, another question, when the two are mad at each other, obviously out of anger hurtful things would be said and the argument could progress, so would it better if they once in a while took a break from each other? do you think sometimes that the "silent treatment" has an advantage? when two people are around each other too much, it can lead to irritation..right?
    A break from what when they're bound to live with each other for the rest of their lives.. IF you hurt your spouse, you apologize and they should accept it. You also get hurt sometimes when they're not thinking. That's why I always insist that whenever you feel that there's something wrong going on and you're getting really angry, give yourself sometime alone and think of the best way to solve it.. best way meaning: mature way, in a way that won't prolong the argument or make things work.

  22. #22
    Mission Accomplished! Thalia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endure Whisper View Post
    ^ I'm married and this is how I see it work: silent treatments, prolonging arguemnts or even getting back at your spouse, doesn't work! Atleast for me.. you talk about it and that should be it, right then and there... Why go through the trouble of getting even or doing something else when you can simply talk? Unless of course you have a husband/wife who doesn't care or listen, that's a different issue.. Angel Eyes did not mention that the husband/wife is not caring or thoughtful..
    see.. you didn;t read my post.

    What do you do when talking DOESN'T work?

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  23. #23
    Mission Accomplished! Thalia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shai View Post
    I do believe in punishment, the man is the head of family and wears the pants so he has to take charge and keep everyone in line.
    Oh shut up. *SLAP*


    You know you're dancing when tears of pain and happiness blend in with your sweat.




  24. #24
    Honorable Member
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    Also, in addition, it's the WAY you bring it up not only saying it! Sometimes you can talk alllll you want and think you've done what you had to do, but you also need to say it in an appropriate manner and at the right time. If you talk to your spouse in a rude way, of course he won't listen or try to improve your relationship..

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    The only way I'd teach my husband a lesson.. Is via silent treatment

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    Mission Accomplished! Thalia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endure Whisper View Post
    Also, in addition, it's the WAY you bring it up not only saying it! Sometimes you can talk alllll you want and think you've done what you had to do, but you also need to say it in an appropriate manner and at the right time. If you talk to your spouse in a rude way, of course he won't listen or try to improve your relationship..
    Endure..

    Sometimes some people just do not listen. It's not because of the way the issue has been brought up. It's simply because that's the way they are. One day you will get sick of trying to explain. You will get sick of wondering how you can better yourself so they see their own discrepancies and mostly, you will get sick of waiting for a promised change that never materialises.


    And then comes in the saying.. "actions speak louder than words".

    Being treated as you treat other people is sometimes a good wake up call. Sometimes even this won't work. But it's better than the silent treatment because the silent treatment is simply not addressing the issue. It's more of a backing away to a higher level waiting for the other to ask.. "What's the matter?" ..

    Some people will never ask, because they are too proud and asking is like admitting some kind of fault to them.. and so, they just wait for it to blow over.

    First: Communicate. Try in every way.

    If that doesn't work.. dish some of their own medicine out and see how they like it.

    You know you're dancing when tears of pain and happiness blend in with your sweat.




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    Honorable Member
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    ^ Wow Thalia, thanks for the tip although I really hope I don't get there.. I am pretty much comfortable talking and it's working well! So I guess it all boils down to how your spouse behaves..

  28. #28
    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shai View Post
    I do believe in punishment, the man is the head of family and wears the pants so he has to take charge and keep everyone in line.
    hushhhhhhhhhh
    Quote Originally Posted by Endure Whisper View Post
    ^ I'm married and this is how I see it work: silent treatments, prolonging arguemnts or even getting back at your spouse, doesn't work! Atleast for me.. you talk about it and that should be it, right then and there... Why go through the trouble of getting even or doing something else when you can simply talk? Unless of course you have a husband/wife who doesn't care or listen, that's a different issue.. Angel Eyes did not mention that the husband/wife is not caring or thoughtful..
    yeah..i agree with you..it makes total sense what you're saying talking is better!

    Quote Originally Posted by Thalia View Post
    Oh shut up. *SLAP*

    let's get 'im!

    Quote Originally Posted by Endure Whisper View Post
    Also, in addition, it's the WAY you bring it up not only saying it! Sometimes you can talk alllll you want and think you've done what you had to do, but you also need to say it in an appropriate manner and at the right time. If you talk to your spouse in a rude way, of course he won't listen or try to improve your relationship..
    EXACTLY

    Quote Originally Posted by Superbia View Post
    The only way I'd teach my husband a lesson.. Is via silent treatment
    LOOOL sounds so YOU!

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  29. #29
    Mrs. Towelie Angel_Eyes's Avatar
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    I just love these kinds of threads..don't you?

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  30. #30
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    That is WRONG! Instead of teaching them a lesson, you can easily talk to them and tell them how it feels like when they do whatever it is they do.


    I AGREEEEEE with this

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